For Divine Infinity

“In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice. Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced.”

What was that? Assphinkter say what?

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

The Last Word

"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat."

"The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked. 'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'"

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."

"I've always thought Prince Charming in Cinderella was the most boring role; I'd rather be the Wicked Witch."

"Stay naked as much as possible, but do not impose your orgiastic will on others. Don't have sex in the lobby - it's usually awkward."

The Last Word

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."

"In times of change learners inherit the earth; while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists."

"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches."

"Courtesy is a man's privilege, not an obligation."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent."

The Last Word

"There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience."

"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding."

"Common sense and education are highly compatible; in fact, neither is worth much without the other."

"A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone."

"I don't say that we ought to all misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could."
"Blushing is the color of virtue."

The Last Word

"I have something to prove, as long as I know there's something that needs improvement, and you know that everytime I move, I make a woman's movement."

"It's a rough temptation, but a common invitation ... So take my advice, that's jail bait."

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue."

"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."

"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them."

"Adventure is not outside a man, it is within. Adventures happen only to those incapable of planning an expedition."

The Last Word

"Passion chokes the flower when the rage subsides."

"As soon as man does not take his existence for granted, but beholds it as something unfathomably mysterious, thought begins."

"... take any form, drive me mad only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you."

"I am interested in anything about revolt, disorder , chaos--especially activity that seems to have no meaning. It seems to me to be the road toward freedom ... Rather than starting inside, I start outside and reach the mental through the physical."

"The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding."

The Last Word

"The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding."

"No man is clever enough to know all the evil he does."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"Some are borne great, others have it thrust upon them."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"The prettiest of dresses are meant to be taken off."